I've been asked many times to speak about how I handle being a (sole-parenting) Mommy and a Feri Priest. I am always a little stunned. To me, it's a little like asking how I juggle being a Mommy and an adult. Or how I handle being a Feri Priest and someone's friend. To me, they are not and should not be exclusive in any way. Each so deeply defines me--how could one take away from the other? Balancing their demands is something else. But there isn't any question in my mind (or other parts) that this balance, tenuous as it may be, is as required of me as brushing my teeth or aligning my souls. I cannot leave my family out of my practice any more than I can leave my practice out of my family.
Mother and Priest are Who I Am, not things I do.
Preist and Mother are both valid answers to the question "What kind of Witch are you." Mother and Priest are valid answers to the more familiar question from the Flower Prayer that is so often mistaken (in my opinion) as a prompt for stating what our profesional career might be.
I know that to sacrifice Motherhood on the altar of my Priesthood or my Priesthood on the altar of Motherhood would be the ultimate sacrilege. The very thought makes me nauseous.
I know that Sole parenting is difficult beyond imagining and differs so dramatically from both single and partnered parenting as to be ridiculous. It's like living in Siberia vs living in the Mediterranean. Both are on the planet earth and involve eating, sleeping and surviving but require completely different skill sets, support systems and underwear in order to do it well! Being the Sole Parent of these kids is not something I planned. But it has been the Best Thing for them and for me.
I know for certain that Motherhood and being a Priest/Teacher go hand-in-hand for me. I'd be a worse mother if I didn't teach. And, I'd be a terrible teacher if I wasn't a mother! Being a Mommy doesn't make me a nicer or more understanding Teacher. In fact, it makes me more exacting and demanding. I have kids of my own, so if a student is looking for a mommy--I am definitely going to disappoint and quite possibly enrage them. I don't want more kids, thanks very much.
I know my children have shaped and influenced me as a Priest and Witch at least as much as any teacher, book or practice. They embody Black Hearted Innocence. I have been serving at Nimue's Temple for the past decade. There is nothing like the honesty of a child to send one to the sink for a glass of water for the Kala Rite. And, there is nothing like the innocence of a child's love to flood all three souls with wonder. There is nothing in the world like the demands of motherhood to teach one about responsibility, or surrender of control. These are all skills necessary for adulthood as well as for the Preisthood.
On ocassion, one (priesthood/motherhood) makes doing (again, note the difference between Be and Do) the other difficult or impossible. But even then, more often than not I am grateful. So, while I am not exactly happy at ALL about not getting to Germany, I am grateful for what it brought up for me to review, for the ease it brought to my busy schedule to suddenly plunk 10 FREE DAYS down in front of me . . . and for the Work I was able to get clear about and begin. I have breathing room--something I haven't enjoyed since mid-February of last year.
Our Priesthood, our religion, our spiritual paths . . . these should not make our lives harder. Rather, these should deepen and make more pleasurable the lives we have. These should open us to the intensity of love and grace; make us more sensitive to beauty. Necessarily, we will also become more sensitized to our perceptions of the unseen, the unjust and the uncomfortable . . . I believe this to be true even if--no, especially if--we are Priests. Yes, some of the results of walking this particular path bring us to difficult circumstances and decisions. We may have to let go of people or places, behaviors and habits that once fit us very well but are not fitting for a Priest. But any path which tells me there is a difference between feeding the children and prayer is not my path.
I am not saying that feeding the children is like a prayer. I am not trying to be poetic or romantic here. I am saying that feeing the children is prayer. Just as feeding my godself is prayer. Just as feeding the ancestors is prayer. Just as feeding the gods, the spirits of the land and the spirits of the Craft are prayers.
A very long time ago--long before I had even heard of Feri Tradition but knew for certain I was a Witch madly in love with the Goddess-- I made a promise: "My Life as an altar to you, Lady." My life includes, among other things, children. The way I raise them needs to be an appropriate offering on the altar of the Life I live in devotion to Her.
This is what I have come to know about being a Priest and being a Mother: They are one and the same thing.
Mamacita Shamanista says goodnight.
elated
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