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February 9th, 2010

02:21 pm - Some thoughts on Passion and other radical notions

This morning this question arose during my practice:

What passion arises so powerfully in you that you are willing to grasp it to your chest and never let go; chase it beyond the ends of the earth; lie down your weapons and tear down your defenses in order to be consumed by it? If you know the answer, you are blessed indeed. If you do not, use all your sincerity to pray for its revelation.

I am truly blessed for there is not one, but several answers to this question, and they all arose simultaneously this morning, clammoring to be acknowledged.

My children, of course, generate this kind of passion in me.  As does my passion for my beloved.  There is the passionate commitment to my students, clients and readers.   But before those other-oriented passions can arise, there must be the passion for my own wholeness.  Before I can pursue with clarity and vision, my relationships or my creativity or commitments, I must begin by assuring my own cup is full.

And so, I pray, all day and every day:  Who is this Flower above me?
And I pray, "What is the work, the joy, the passion, the enchantment, the love, the lust, the creativity, the wonderment, the wisdom---of this God?"
And I pray, "I will know, love, protect, honor, respect, pride, and BE myself in all my parts."

All day long I pray.  All day long I give Life Force to these prayers. 

Sometimes one passion or another threatens to dethrone the God who is my Self.  And I recall the words of Victor Anderson as told me by my teacher, Mark, "Let nothing come between you and your own GodSelf."    And, I take up the cup once again and place in it my distraction and my lack of precision with the capacity to make gods out of thin air who I then mistake for my own god soul.    Passion when not tempered well can twist and turn, becoming obsession, addiction or greed.  On the flip side, it can present as numbness, apathy or confusion.

When my passions are right sized I am able to attend them with precision  and am delighted to observe as my life becomes an intricately woven tapestry of art, beauty, creativity, love, wonder, laughter, grace, ease and style.  When I can attend my passion, life doesn't feel so much like work, like one demanding task after another which I am obligated to attend.  No.  It flows like music, like a paint brush across a canvas, like dance-steps, like laughter flowing from the lips, like the deep and penetrating kiss between lovers . . . .

Today, I am grateful for my Passions and for the practices which have, over time, brought me to a place (Oh, finally!  Oh!  Thank Gods!) where I can name them, know them and pursue them without fear, shame, guilt or confusion.  I am so blessed to be able to notice when my Passions are beginning to turn and become something less than Life Affirming.  I am so stunningly awed when I see what following them beyond the ends of the earth has wrought in my life.
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